Creativity A Blessing or A Curse

The light I so
desperately seek
has turned dim
I don't even know
where to begin
I have so many feelings
penetrating my soul
I feel the cold and
dark surround me
as my soul sinks
into a a hole
It is as if
a part of me has died
and in truth
I can not lie
My creativity and freedom
now is gone
and I 'am not even
sure if it's wrong
Why must I have
to be here
in this time
and this place
These awful feelings
I know I must embrace
Again the confusion
pours all over me
Through this wall of pain
I can not see.
It hurts to feel
and it hurts to think
So I just sit here
and stare and blink
I want to be free
of feeling this way
I need to regroup
then I'll have more to say

Please Not Again

I have a sinking feeling
deep within my chest.
Where my mind wonders
there isn't any rest.
It disturbs me
what I read
on her famous blog.
Not knowing your side
makes this blog
her monologue.
These unhappy signs
i've seem them all before.
Will she take the kids
and walk right out the door?
Will she be leaving you
alive but yet again alone?
Will you sit and wait
by the telephone?
or
Are you stronger than
the time before
when your lover left
and shook your very core?
"For better or for worse"
was the vow you both pledged.
Work thought this.
Don't allow your marriage
to be dead.
Is the love you both felt
now completely gone?
With your awakening
I thought you knew
where you belonged.
I don't want to be right
about what I think
I see and feel.
Please tell me that
this dream I think I see
isn't really real.

The Power of the Word

Feeling lost
not connected
Just barely here
Waiting for my soul
to be resurrected
Waiting for the time
I'll feel complete
Wanting my heart
soul and mind
to meet
Feeling washed out
old and faded
My heart is sad
heavy and weighted
Feeling as though
a part of me disappeared
Feeling this way seems
foreign and weird
Words are powerful
they can add or take away
They can make you feel loved
or
they can make you feel betrayed
Maybe the insecurities
do not lay with me
I need insight
I need to see
My soul still hurts
I still feel the pain
I must see the light
and my happiness regain
I must take hold of my senses
and not hesitate
A happier dream
I will create
Using my words badly
there is no justification
So with my word
I pledge to have
better communication

My Loving Daughter

I never ever want to hurt you.
So for my harsh words
I do apologise.
The anger just consumed me.
To be at peace
the anger
I had to exorcise.
You are my only daughter
who I love more than I can say.
To know your own self worth
for this I will pray.
You are an amazing woman.
Deserving of love, peace,
and happiness.
All that you need
is there inside you.
The power you do possess.
I know that you must
do things
in your own way
and in your own time.
It may even seem that you
have been given
a mountain to climb.
I want you to know
I understand the sadness,
hurt and anger that you feel.
If you search deep inside you
there is strength
that will help you heal.
You are taking new steps
that will create new energy.
These new steps on this path
will help your soul
to be free.
I know that bad things happen.
Lessons we must learn.
Please know that I am always
near
with love and concern.
You are in control
of your own destiny.
Open up your mind
and allow yourself to see.
See the dream waiting
for you to create.
Your life laying before you
is a clean slate.
Have faith in your insight.
Your inner feelings
hold what is truth.
You will know the pathway to take
so the best
will happen for you.
No matter what happens
my love for you
will always be.
Your life is yours to live.
I just want you to be happy.

In love, peace and happiness;
mom

No Names Mentioned

I won't mention any names.

You will know who you are.

Watching this unfold

I was hoping it wouldn't

go this far.

I want to yell out

but my lips I keep tightly

pressed.

It wouldn't do any good.

It wouldn't make her hurt any less.

My soul screams out

for I feel her pain.

My wish is for you

to her hurt like her

but from those kinds of thoughts

I will try to refrain.

You don't deserve her

in your life.

Not even to give you

the time of day.

You proved unworthy

of her love

for you only know

how to betray.

What did you do

with the love and

trust she gave you?

You had sex with your ex.

Proving that you are untrue.

You are a "me" person.

The center of attention

you must be.

You are a self indulgent

self absorbed little slut.

Yes, all the world does see.

You know how to use

and how to manipulate.

But showing true love and devotion

these you can not demonstrate.

Wife, mother, lover, partner,

sister and friend.

You don't know how to be any of these

because the meaning of true love

and trust you can't comprehend.

What the hell are you?

Bi, gay, or straight?

I hope by the time

that you figure it out

for you it will be too late.

You don't like confrontation.

You avoid her at all cost.

You make me mad as hell.

I wish you would just get lost.

It's hard to find the words

to express all the rage I feel.

Watching how you treat her

the true color of your soul is revealed.

You didn't deserve her love.

To me you are a big disgrace.

You can't even sit down with her

and talk face to face.

Why is it you can't look

into her eyes?

I don't' think you can talk to her

without telling lies.

You whine and complain

about all the guilt you feel. (oh poor you)

Oh, come on, please!

Are you for real?

What do you expect

when you shit on

the ones you say you love?

I think that true love from you

is something that's unheard of.

You say that you love her

and that you always will.

Then tell me why you're screwing

some guy.

Are you sure you love her still?

What the hell is wrong with you?

I don't think you have a clue.

You do know how to sleaze around

and how to be untrue.

You are a slut and you know

how to deceive.

You will get your pay back.

It's called Karma, I do believe.

My wish for her

is to have her move on

get away from you and all the pain.

Someone better than you is out there

just waiting for her love to gain.

To you she gave

love, trust and fidelity

but you threw

it all away.

I don't have any respect for you.

I have nothing more to say.

replace my anger with peace

my hate with love

my sadness with happiness

The Light

Let go of the sadness
that is caused by old wounds.
Let the message from the light
chase away all the doom.
It's easy to breakdown
from the madness of the past.
Strength, courage and wisdom
of these I do ask.
Domestication of the soul
comes without choice.
To gain wisdom, is to reclaim
my own voice.
The Book of Law
is filled with unhealthy rules.
I must unlearn these laws
and use this new knowledge
as a tool.
The laws in this book
are there to suppress me.
I must create my own laws.
Find my own voice.
Then my success I will see.
Wisdom comes from knowledge
and knowledge is the key.
To know and understand
will set my soul free.
Love, peace and happiness
are mine to claim.
This pathway of my journey
will keep my soul sane.
Love, peace and happiness
I can create.
I will listen to my Creator,
learn to love me and
celebrate.

If The Shoe Fits

I always thought
that you would be here
for me.
She has blinded you
and now you don't see.
Lying and manipulation
is her game.
I try and show you
but it's always me
that you blame.
You always have a reason
that will take the truth away.
Pretty soon I won't care
what you have to say.
I don't understand
why you don't care.
She can hurt me
with her lies
and you're not there.
Not there for me
but there for her.
Where your loyalties lay
it's plain who you prefer.
It seems I will no longer
be able to see
two important people
who mean so much to me.
She's good at her craft
manipulating and lying.
You don't seem to care
or notice
that my soul is crying.
I get angry and hurt
because of the
let down that I feel.
All the years we shared between us
I thought that our friendship
was real.
All the years we have know each other
and everything that we have been through
I guess I am disappointed and hurt
I never expected this from you .
My feelings for you have changed.
I look at you in a different light.
I see who you are
for now I have insight.
My respect for you is lost.
I can't give you what isn't there.
I will be alert.
Take care of my soul
and watch out for my welfare.

Reflection

As another birthday draws near
I look to my Creator and reflect
on the past year.
I seek to learn more
about my own spirituality.
Knowledge and wisdom helps
me to understand my own mortality.
I ask my Creator to help me see
all the wonder and beauty
that has been given to me.
Eric and Rachel are my
angels from above.
My Creator has blessed me
with two wonderful children to love..
My partner, best friend
and the love of my life
my Creator sent me Peggy
to teach me about true love
and to share my life..
Seeing the beauty and splendor
of this great earth.
Teaches me about my own
special worth.
To know why I was made and the reason
I was put here.
Brings me closer to my Creator
I can feel the spirit near.
Wisdom, peace, and love
are the key
to living my life completely.

Lies and More Lies

I live with lies and dishonesty.
Some people close to me do not speak truth.
I feel over whelmed and sad
I wonder what's the use.
The lies and the dishonesty
give birth to pain and fear.
This fear drains me of my energy.
My happiness isn't near.
The fear and the pain
brings sadness and strife to my life.
It grabs hold of my soul.
It cuts through me like a knife.
I am tired.
God, so tired.
There is only a few that I can trust.
The beliefs and code that I live by
trust and honesty are a must.
I know what I need.
I can find deep within my soul.
I need to focus on peace and love.
Give less energy to those who control.
I know it's up to me.
The dream is mine to create.
To do this I must keep alert
and actively participate.
My wounds of the past
must be healed and replaced by love.
I will look to the sky
for hope from above.

Silence is Golden

I am still here.
Sitting quietly.
My soul seeking and asking me questions
that I do not have the answers to.
I read and read and my soul agrees but
can that really be the answer to all of it's
confusion?
Maybe I am not the one with the answers.
Maybe, just maybe, my soul has the answers
but I have not been listening.
Maybe I should be still more often.
Silence is golden.

It's Too Late

No one calls to
set things right.
So much was said during
that terrible fight.
You are the parents.
You should make
the first move.
Your absence
from your daughter's life,
what does that prove?
Does you silence equal
your guilt?
Your relationship with
your daughter
needs to be rebuilt.
My opinions, with them you
don't agree.
There is nothing I can do
to make you see.
You haven't seen your great granddaughter,
not once since she was born.
This has caused hurt feelings
and your family to be
torn.
You were never really there
for Tara and Jill.
A loving, close grandmother,
those shoes you never filled.
You seem oblivious as to
how deep the hurt
has penetrated.
With you and your actions
I have become frustrated.
You don't have a clue
as to who apologies you owe.
You nonchalantly call Jill
and ask to visit.
What a low blow.
You have all these excuses
that you construe.
It's very plain to see
we don't have the same values.
You're so much like mom
and I don't mean that
in a good way.
For the health of my soul
from you I need to breakaway.
You don't get it
and you never will.
Don't go for counseling,
just keep taking your
magic pill.

Chicago Bound

I just had to write,
my soul feels so lite.
My honey told me some exciting
news the other night.
Some funds have been found.
My woman and I will be
Chicago bound.
Yes Melissa, we will see you,
this time around.
We will get to go
to the meet and greet.
I hope that I
am able to speak.
I know I will be nervous
and I will probably be intense.
When the words come out,
I hope that I make sense.
I want my admiration
and respect for you
to be evident.
The words that I speak to you
to be a compliment.
We will be watching you preform from
awesome seats.
Having my honey by my side
I will be complete.
When you sing I can't believe
the magic that you create.
This is so exciting,
I can hardly wait.
You up on the stage and us fans here
below.
I know at the show my adrenalin will flow.
Getting to sleep that night will be
touch and go.
My woman and I will have so much fun.
My love for her can't be out done.
All I can say to her is,
"I love you woman, thanks a ton"!

It's Hard To Explain

It only took seeing you that first time
back in 1994.
You created in me a passion
that would haunt me forever more.
My writer of stories,
that you tell to me in song.
I have an ache,
a need to see you.
You have been gone far too long.
It is hard to understand,
because it is hard for me to explain.
I am sure that there may be some
who just think that I am insane.
You have shown me how to have
peace, happiness and love
in my life.
I admire your truth,
your strength,
your courage,
that you have shown,
when faced with heartache
and strife.
You generate an energy
standing in the spotlight.
The songs you sing,
the stories told,
move and stir me with
their insight.
A new CD will soon be out.
A new tour you will begin.
I should be so very happy,
ecstatic,
instead a deep sadness is
held within.
It is hard to explain
the emotions that I feel.
But the want,
the need to see you,
I know is so very real.
I dream and I wish to see you,
but it's not to be this time around.
The truth of the matter is,
there is not any money to be found.
There will not be a Chicago package.
I won't be seeing you from second row seats.
It makes me sad to know
that I won't talk with you
at the meet and greet.
I worry there may not be a next time.
That this may be your last.
So all my memories
and all my mementos,
I will keep them close,
to then I will hold fast.

Still Here

I am not gone,
no I am not dead.
Just to many things
running through my head.
I need some time,
too sort and think.
Then I will be back
here writing in-sync.

Heartless I Am.............Not

I have feelings.
I own them as they are my own.
Some may say they are brutal,
that my heart 's made of stone.
My feelings run deep,
through every fiber of my being.
The words I write to express myself
may seem to be extreme.
I have to communicate my feelings.
I can't hold things inside.
One truth that I've learned,
is if I do,
my soul will not survive.
I've been called "intense"
almost to a fault.
When a feeling has been stirred
it is hard for me to halt.
When I feel passionate
my feelings pour out.
I feel that I need to examine them.
They are something to think about.
Whether my feelings are right or wrong
is really not the issue.
But a need to look and learn from them
is something I must pursue.
As I study and learn from the emotions
I find deep inside.
It assists in my growth,
it helps to make my soul wise.

Rose Colored Glasses or Donna's Perfect World

I don't understand you.
Are you blind?
What I have to say to you,
may seem unkind.
You know the truths
that I've struggled with,
and had to face.
Now it's your daughter and you,
who are in that same space.
You abused your daughter
when she was young.
Now her feelings have surfaced.
The past is in the past.
It can't be undone.
You don't seem to get
the depths of her pain.
She asked you to counseling,
but you choose to abstain .
You feel you don't need it.
You think your life's just fine.
Again I ask you.
Are you blind?
You have perfectly pretended,
your entire life away.
Read my poems!
It's all I can say.
You are so much like mom.
You won't take responsibility.
Your unrecognized life
only causes more hostility.
You are like a little parrot,
repeating your husband utterance.
I wish you would wake up and
use some commonsense.
You have never had a backbone.
You always have taken the easy way out.
I can't sit in silence,
I need to speak out.
You haven't been able to think
since 1962.
Gee, I wish that you would
wake up and get a clue.
It would be nice,
if you had a thought
of your own.
Oh, excuse me, that's right,
you don't have a backbone.
Your husband doesn't love you,
your marriage is a masquerade.
I view your life as a sad, sad, escapade.
My respect for you,
has totally been depleted.
I want you to know,
that my feelings are deep seated.
I am angry and disappointed.
I've not made any headway.
You don't listen to anything
that I have to say.
I am tired of all the nonsense
that you spew.
I am done, it's over, I am
through.

Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey Diddle Diddle.

I read your riddle.
This self claimed orphan
will survive.

I'll keep my ear to the ground.
I'll know what to do,
when the hurtful come to hound.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

Abuse IS abuse.
In my life, there can be
no excuse.

Guilt IS guilt.
A force used to control.
Something that can hurt
an innocent soul.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

Strength comes from truth.
Truth will set me free .
I live and I learn and I
thrive to be me.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

I like your little dream.
Let go of the questions and
the hurts of the past.
The past
is in the
past.
Some of the questions needed
to be asked.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

I liked your little dream.
Dependable joy,
that will forever gleam,
and gleam
and gleam
and
gleam

Hey diddle diddle.

I appreciated your riddle.
Thanks for your thoughts.

Wishes

An angel has dropped from heaven.
She has become a part of my life.
My wish for her is to be free,
from all heartache and strife.
I look upon her face.
I gaze into this angel's brown eyes.
Her innocence's angelic.
My wish for her is to be wise.
As this angel learns about the world
around her.
I wish her a healthy curiosity.
And when she comes across those
who are less fortunate.
My wish for her is to show them generosity.
My wish for this sweet cherub,
is to find joy and true happiness.
As she finds her truths and faces them,
I wish her much success.
As this small angel grows,
and comprehends all of the worlds pain.
My wish for her is to know and show
compassion.
For humanity she may campaign.
As this heavenly being ,
carries her soul through life's migration.
My wish for her,
is too have strength.
And be kept from the worlds temptation.
My wish for my sweet angel,
is to be blessed with good health.
As she searches for her vocation in life,
My wish for her is to find,
true wealth.
These wishes are also blessings.
Really they are one and the same.
May these blessings and many more
come to Camryn.
They are hers to claim.

Time and Age

Time passing by,
causing us to age.
It happens to all of us,
stage by stage.
My mother at eighty-six,
now lives in assisted living.
Time and age to her,
have not been to forgiving.
My mother has a few health
problems.
But basically she is ok.
But age and time has taken,
her short term memory away.
Time and age has caused the dementia,
to change day by day.
She realizes what's happening.
She often feels betrayed.
My father cheated time.
My father defeated age.
He died when he was sixty.
But he didn't go unscathed.
He wasn't a healthy man.
He had many an ailment.
With doctors and in hospitals,
much of his time was spent.
My father wasn't a nice man,
much of my growing years.
When death did come to make it's claim,
I didn't shed any tears.
Time and age can make the prospect
of growing old unpleasant.
But with life's journeys ahead,
it's so hard to prevent it.

It Must Stop

Our children cruelly beaten.
We lose them one by one.
The ignorance and the hatred
leaves us cold.
It leaves us numb.
When will it stop?
How many must die?
Our children are being murdered.
We hang our heads and cry out, why?
The answer to the question
is because they are gay.
I believe it's not a choice.
They were born that way.
People who's hearts
hold intolerance, bigotry and
hate.
Keep these dark forces in
their souls
all because someone is
not straight.
We are all of Gods children.
He loves us all the same.
Our children should not have
to hide or walk alone in shame.
The loathing and hostility
because one is gay,
has to be dealt with.
It will not fade away.
We must be strong!
Our voices we must now unite.
Our children are dying.
It's time to take up the fight.

For all Gay, Bi, Transgendered, Lesbian children.

"Be strong, speak truth, keep peace." Melissa Etheridge"