New Day

With the light of dawn
comes a new day
I must have faith
in what comes my way
I know in the pain
there are lessons to learn
These hurtful times
I must not spurn
In this time
when things are bad
If I look hard
miracles are
to be had
Even though
my pain is great
This hurt filled life
I will not berate
I pray to accept
what I can not change
It's my life
I must rearrange
To grow
I will go
to any length
My Higher Power
will give me strength
Sometime I'm tired
I feel weak
can't even find
the words to speak
Nothing makes sense
nothing seems real
except the hurt
the pain
that I feel
I believe
"in one day at a time"
with my Higher Power
life will be sublime

Last Night

Last night we held
each other tight
we made love
all though the night
We told each other
we'd never let go
You even said
there was room to grow
We cried and said
we should always be
That I loved you
and you loved me
Being with you was
heaven on earth
My life had purpose
I felt my worth
Then I awoke
My face stained
with tears
I felt instantly sick
crushed under
the weight
of my fears
I have you now
haunting me at night
Telling me
ever thing is all right
I wish I could stop
the thoughts in my brain
My love for you
is driving me insane
I can't eat
don't sleep
I cry all the time
all because
I wish you were mine
I pray for strength
and courage
from my Creator above
In my life I shall have love

Agony

Here comes the waves
the pain's so great
You are my love
forever my mate
In my heart
you shall aways be
but I need
I want you
close to me
Were we too quick
with our good-byes?
Couldn't we have even tried?
There is a saying
this too shall pass
but I thought our love
would "forever" last
I pray for anger
I wish I could be mad
but all I am
is really sad
I think anger
would ease the pain
but in the end
there is nothing to gain.
I know that
I need to grow
but I have hit
my lowest of lows
One minute I feel
as strong as can be
my soul is flying
it's great to be me
Then in a second
my soul
comes crashing down
the doubt enters in
I feel hell bound
I need for this agony
this deep sadness
to end
My spirit
my soul
my body
needs
to mend

To My Higher Power

I know that fear will paralyze
but
with faith in you
all good
will materialize.
You give me strength, hope
and love
all sent to me
from high above.
My Higher Power
I trust in you
I know that you will see me through.
I may not understand
all the "whys"
but in your love
I can't deny.
I don't know
what is best for me
Please open my eyes
so "your will" I'll see
I know you are
always there
In you
I put my trust and care
Today I will look
for blessing's galore
I know in you
good things are in store

Thank You

Help

The grief comes
crashing in waves
It feels cold and dark
like a lonely grave
I feel like I am living death
The pain is so great
I can't get my breath
Sometime I wonder
how will I stay alive
But my soul is strong
it will survive
I need to accept
what I can not change
But the pictures of
you are locked in my brain.
My love for you
is still in my heart
I don't think this
will ever part
My Higher Power
has handed this to me
I need guidance and light
for me to see

Something Is Missing

Something is missing.
I feel the loss.
I want it back
but at what cost?
Unhappiness fills the empty space.
Her love is gone
it left with out a trace.
How could this happen?
How can this be?
It was strong
for all to see.
My soul is hurt.
The wound is deep.
Misery inside the wound does creep.
The wound is fresh.
It is bloody and raw.
All I can do is sit and bawl.
I love her.
I want her
even though
it's not meant to be.
I am not sure
why this happened to me.
I have loved ones
and friends
who will see me though.
But in the end
I won't have you

Journey

The big things are moved
my clothes are packed.
It's time to move
on down the the path.
11 years are over
with the one I still love
Please send me strength from above.
A new life waits ahead
Not filled with guilt,
fear or dread.
I have my faith to see me through
and yes
I must
love me too
Sometimes I don't understand "why"
it makes me sad
then I cry
I know that each day
is given as a gift
My Higher Power
my spirits will lift.

The Break Up

I lay here
listening to you sleep
with my head on my pillow
all I can do is weep
You told me my "forever"
ends at 11 years
There isn't any way
I can stop the tears.
My fear inside
is replaced by faith
My Higher Power
has put me here
in this time and place.
I know you don't
understand
but on this journey
I wanted you
to take my hand
I lay no blame
but will take it all
It will depend who
views this breakup
They will have their own call
I wish I didn't love you
but i do
but on this journey and growth
I must be true.

Things Changed

Things changed
Life rearranged
on my journey's path.
Love it comes
Love it goes
Is mine the kind that lasts?
Questions arise
Feelings revised
all held under breath.
Words not said
Is passion dead
Could this be my death.
Hurt soul
Under control
in need of some strength.
Feeling fear
Insecure
Going to what length?
Under demand
Not in command
Not knowing where to turn
Wanting to feel
love that is real
for yesterday's love I yearn

Our Day

October 10 is our special day.
I have just a few things
I would like to say.
Peggy, I love you
with all of my heart.
From each other I know
we will never part.
I need and want
you by my side.
If we could marry
I would be your bride.
For you there isn't anything
I wouldn't do.
I know you can see
that my heart is true.
You show me every day
how much you care.
I know I can count
on you being there.
With you the past eleven years
have gone swiftly by.
Your strength, humor
and love, I do rely.
When you kiss
and hold me tight.
I know that all in my world
will be alright.
You are my best friend
lover and wife.
Every day I thank my creator
that you are in my life.

The Power of the Universe and My Love

The power of the universe

moves the stars
moves the atoms in my being
This force has put eyes on my heart
making me aware
of all the love that I am seeing
Yes
I believe in the power of the universe
It is connected to my core
It brought to me my woman
who's love will be "forever" more
Our love was born from simple
truths
This love we share is like no other
The wisdom deep within my soul

whispers

there will never be another
My love and I share a trust
which creates a strong foundation
The woman who is my love
is a glorious creation
Her energy feeds my soul
Her existence is as essential to me
as is the air that I breathe
Her love completes me
there isn't nothing more that I need
My love is so supportive
Always knowing when I am weak
She comes to me with soft words
helping me to find the words to speak
Laying behind closed doors
time seems to stand still
Her smell
her love
her touch
I can never get my fill
Her existence in my life
I swear I could never live without
She is my "forever" love
This
I have not a doubt.

The Slow Death Of My Mother

My mother died
a long time ago
even though she's
alive and well
It's a twisted sorted tale
that I'm about to tell
Her death wasn't sudden
Her demise took many years
It seemed to coincide
with the realization of
all my fears

She died a little more

She died each time

she wrongfully accused

It took years to see

how skillfully she did abuse

She died a little more

She seemed to take pride

in how she brutally criticize

As years passed by

I learned she would

never apologize

She died a little more

She always had to be right

no matter what the cost

She made me doubt myself

She made me feel lost

She died a little more

She was very crafty

hiding behind a mother's

disguise

She instilled fear that

did pulverize

She died a little more

She would never give an inch

She would never compromise

She used guilt and shame

to demoralize

She died a little more

Some people think

I should visit her more often

They don't understand

to me

she is dead and buried

in her coffin

The Ultimate Boundary

I was raised on dysfunction.
Lying and manipulation was
the Golden Rule.
There was not any praise.
Just the use of guilt
and ridicule.
My soul was beaten down.
My spirit devastated.
I was crushed to the point
my soul, my spirit, my being
was almost eliminated.
I was weak.
I was confused.
My soul covered with
infected wounds.
From this snake pit like hell
I was not immune.
Death was an option.
No more hurt
no more pain
or
do I fight to survive
for my own life to gain.
I felt each painful cut
of the sharp steel knife.
I had to dissect
the infected wounds
from my miserable life.
At times I wondered
if the pain would ever cease.
Would my mind, my soul, my spirit
from this hell be released?
I had to look.
I had to see.
What would be found
deep inside of me?
As I looked
I saw a light
so very small
but it shined so bright.
My mind, my soul, my spirit
this intense light would unite.
Then deep within my core.
I felt an incredible strength.
I knew if I were to survive.
I would go to any length.
I saw that the people of the earth
are united as one.
I learned that there
are sacred messages
written on
the rays of the sun.
I found what I think.
I found what I speak.
Can make me very strong.
or
can make me very weak.
I can create a fear
that will paralyze.
But then my freedom
I will have jeopardized.
In my strength
I can create love, truth, and peace.
Heaven here on earth
is in my reach.
I won't allow manipulation
and lies to be a part
of my dream .
I will keep strong, live truth
my self esteem I will redeem.
I know I can't
do this alone
but by my Higher Power
I will be shownn.

Time to Reflect

As another birthday draws near
I look to my Creator and reflect
on the past year.
I seek to learn more
about my own spirituality.
Knowledge and wisdom helps
me to understand my own
mortality.
I ask my Creator to help me see
all the wonder and beauty
that has been given to me.
Eric and Rachel are my
angels from above.
My Creator blessed me
with two wonderful children
to love.
My partner, best friend
and the love of my life.
My Creator sent me Peggy
to teach me about true love
and to to share my life.
Seeing the beauty and splendor
of this great earth
teaches me about my own
special worth.
To know why I was made
and the reason I was put here
brings me closer to my Creator
I can feel the spirit near.
Wisdom, peace, and love
are the key to living
my life.
Living it freely living it
with out strife.

Reflection of Love

I took a look inside my heart.
What did I see?
A mirror of love reflecting
back at me.
I saw a love so abundant
it will continue as long as time.
This love is given to me
from my precious Valentine.
My Valentine knows
just how tender my heart can be.
My love
my woman
my Valentine
loves me unconditionally.
Our love is so incredible.
Our hearts so entwined.
I am so very happy
that I have Peggy
for my special Valentine.

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas time.
We have decorated the tree.
It's standing in the corner
looking as pretty as can be.
The lights twinkle and they
shine bright.
The snow falls silently
through out the night.
I am safe and warm
in your loving arms.
With you I am protected
from all heartache and harm.
Shopping for the gifts.
Selecting just the right ones.
Then comes the wrapping
for me it's great fun.
But the best gift is found
when I look at you.
It's the gift of your love
that I know is true.
Your love is a gift
that was meant to be
just mine.
A gift that I know
will out last time.
You are the greatest gift
that I will ever receive.
In you and your love
I do believe.
You know me well.
Inside and out.
In you and your love
I have not a doubt.
With your love and security
I have found my peace.
All my fears and concerns
I can now release.
Christmas is a time
for yuletide cheer.
I know that my Christmas
will be merry
because I have you near.

Tonight?

My love for you continually grows.
My passion feels as though it
might explode.
I got to have you
and it must be tonight.
I hope your are not to tired
and put up a fight.
Last night you asked me "why"
to that question I will reply.
When I look into your eyes
I see your soul and realize
that all your love
comes from there.
You are the only one who
knows me and cares.
It's not just that
I will admit.
My hands love to touch you
and it's hard to quit.
Honey
you just turn me on.
I really hope
you don't feel put upon.

The Moment

The moment I saw you
I thought humm this
could be nice.
I knew I wanted to get
to know you.
I didn't have to think twice.
You walked into the room
and sat down in a chair.
For that moment in time
I was blessed that I was there.
Our coming out group
met only once a week.
I wanted to get close to you
so to you I would often speak.
I would sit on the couch
waiting for you to arrive.
Once you entered the room
I would say "sit here".
I wanted you by my side.
Our first meeting was back in 1998.
Then on October tenth
we went on our first date.
Just one date and I knew
I wanted you to be mine.
We would have enough love
to last past our past our lifetime.
My security and peace
is found when I look
into your eyes.
You are all I need or want.
This fact I do realize.
Today is our ninth anniversary
that together we celebrate.
My love
Devotion
and Respect
to you I do rededicate.

Forever

Our tenth anniversary.
Time moves so very fast.
I know that the love we share
will forever last.
Forever is a place
that's found just past eternity.
I know someday we
will meet there
because our love will forever be.
Our souls are ever connected
because of the love we share.
Our love is like no other
it stands beyond compare.
I give to you a ring.
It has no beginning nor
does it have an end.
It's a symbol of my love for you.
On that love you can depend.
My lover is yours forever.
I will proclaim it with my last breath.
My love for you is so strong
it will continue beyond death.
So I will meet you at forever.
You will always be by my side.
I know that I will return to you
because our love can't be denied.

Wanting Aching Craving

I couldn't wait to see you.
To kiss and hold you tight.
I want us to make love
that would last into the night.
The thought of us making love
is haunting my mind.
The way that you look
when I touch you
sends chills up and down
my spine.
I can taste the
sweetness of desire
that lingers in my soul.
The thoughts of your naked body
brings feelings I can't control.
I want to feel the heat of our bodies
as we move united as one.
The image of us together
plays over and over
in my mind
like an old television re-run.
I know your body.
A picture that's burnt into my brain.
The satisfaction from your touch
I have not yet been able to obtain.
You give me a pleasure
that comes from a love that is true.
A pleasure that before you
I swear I never knew.
This compelling need to
make love to you
grows stronger as each day goes by.
The thoughts and feelings consume me
to this I can testify.
This woman needs the
sweet release from these feelings
building deep inside.
A release that you and you alone
can only provide.