Christmas

This time of year brings mixed emotions for me. I feel the joy, happiness and excitement that family gatherings bring and a heavy sadness because one very special person will be absent. This person was not a family member but someone who was close to us, close to my daughter and I. I wonder if he knew how special he was. He was young when he chose to leave us, only 20 years old. He had long blond hair and a smile that could melt your heart. He had a sense of humor that could make you laugh out loud. He wasn't judgmental. He accepted my daughter for who she was and didn't judge her for being gay. He had a child likeness about him. He loved the Muppets and Kermit was his favorite. He had Kermit tattooed over his heart. He would call me "ma" when calling the house. "Hi ma, is Rachel there?" I miss his voice. It's been 10 years but the loss still hits me in the pit of my stomach. I never told him how special he was or how much he was loved. I only hope that he knew.