Lies and More Lies

I live with lies and dishonesty.
Some people close to me do not speak truth.
I feel over whelmed and sad
I wonder what's the use.
The lies and the dishonesty
give birth to pain and fear.
This fear drains me of my energy.
My happiness isn't near.
The fear and the pain
brings sadness and strife to my life.
It grabs hold of my soul.
It cuts through me like a knife.
I am tired.
God, so tired.
There is only a few that I can trust.
The beliefs and code that I live by
trust and honesty are a must.
I know what I need.
I can find deep within my soul.
I need to focus on peace and love.
Give less energy to those who control.
I know it's up to me.
The dream is mine to create.
To do this I must keep alert
and actively participate.
My wounds of the past
must be healed and replaced by love.
I will look to the sky
for hope from above.

Silence is Golden

I am still here.
Sitting quietly.
My soul seeking and asking me questions
that I do not have the answers to.
I read and read and my soul agrees but
can that really be the answer to all of it's
confusion?
Maybe I am not the one with the answers.
Maybe, just maybe, my soul has the answers
but I have not been listening.
Maybe I should be still more often.
Silence is golden.

It's Too Late

No one calls to
set things right.
So much was said during
that terrible fight.
You are the parents.
You should make
the first move.
Your absence
from your daughter's life,
what does that prove?
Does you silence equal
your guilt?
Your relationship with
your daughter
needs to be rebuilt.
My opinions, with them you
don't agree.
There is nothing I can do
to make you see.
You haven't seen your great granddaughter,
not once since she was born.
This has caused hurt feelings
and your family to be
torn.
You were never really there
for Tara and Jill.
A loving, close grandmother,
those shoes you never filled.
You seem oblivious as to
how deep the hurt
has penetrated.
With you and your actions
I have become frustrated.
You don't have a clue
as to who apologies you owe.
You nonchalantly call Jill
and ask to visit.
What a low blow.
You have all these excuses
that you construe.
It's very plain to see
we don't have the same values.
You're so much like mom
and I don't mean that
in a good way.
For the health of my soul
from you I need to breakaway.
You don't get it
and you never will.
Don't go for counseling,
just keep taking your
magic pill.

Chicago Bound

I just had to write,
my soul feels so lite.
My honey told me some exciting
news the other night.
Some funds have been found.
My woman and I will be
Chicago bound.
Yes Melissa, we will see you,
this time around.
We will get to go
to the meet and greet.
I hope that I
am able to speak.
I know I will be nervous
and I will probably be intense.
When the words come out,
I hope that I make sense.
I want my admiration
and respect for you
to be evident.
The words that I speak to you
to be a compliment.
We will be watching you preform from
awesome seats.
Having my honey by my side
I will be complete.
When you sing I can't believe
the magic that you create.
This is so exciting,
I can hardly wait.
You up on the stage and us fans here
below.
I know at the show my adrenalin will flow.
Getting to sleep that night will be
touch and go.
My woman and I will have so much fun.
My love for her can't be out done.
All I can say to her is,
"I love you woman, thanks a ton"!

It's Hard To Explain

It only took seeing you that first time
back in 1994.
You created in me a passion
that would haunt me forever more.
My writer of stories,
that you tell to me in song.
I have an ache,
a need to see you.
You have been gone far too long.
It is hard to understand,
because it is hard for me to explain.
I am sure that there may be some
who just think that I am insane.
You have shown me how to have
peace, happiness and love
in my life.
I admire your truth,
your strength,
your courage,
that you have shown,
when faced with heartache
and strife.
You generate an energy
standing in the spotlight.
The songs you sing,
the stories told,
move and stir me with
their insight.
A new CD will soon be out.
A new tour you will begin.
I should be so very happy,
ecstatic,
instead a deep sadness is
held within.
It is hard to explain
the emotions that I feel.
But the want,
the need to see you,
I know is so very real.
I dream and I wish to see you,
but it's not to be this time around.
The truth of the matter is,
there is not any money to be found.
There will not be a Chicago package.
I won't be seeing you from second row seats.
It makes me sad to know
that I won't talk with you
at the meet and greet.
I worry there may not be a next time.
That this may be your last.
So all my memories
and all my mementos,
I will keep them close,
to then I will hold fast.

Still Here

I am not gone,
no I am not dead.
Just to many things
running through my head.
I need some time,
too sort and think.
Then I will be back
here writing in-sync.

Heartless I Am.............Not

I have feelings.
I own them as they are my own.
Some may say they are brutal,
that my heart 's made of stone.
My feelings run deep,
through every fiber of my being.
The words I write to express myself
may seem to be extreme.
I have to communicate my feelings.
I can't hold things inside.
One truth that I've learned,
is if I do,
my soul will not survive.
I've been called "intense"
almost to a fault.
When a feeling has been stirred
it is hard for me to halt.
When I feel passionate
my feelings pour out.
I feel that I need to examine them.
They are something to think about.
Whether my feelings are right or wrong
is really not the issue.
But a need to look and learn from them
is something I must pursue.
As I study and learn from the emotions
I find deep inside.
It assists in my growth,
it helps to make my soul wise.

Rose Colored Glasses or Donna's Perfect World

I don't understand you.
Are you blind?
What I have to say to you,
may seem unkind.
You know the truths
that I've struggled with,
and had to face.
Now it's your daughter and you,
who are in that same space.
You abused your daughter
when she was young.
Now her feelings have surfaced.
The past is in the past.
It can't be undone.
You don't seem to get
the depths of her pain.
She asked you to counseling,
but you choose to abstain .
You feel you don't need it.
You think your life's just fine.
Again I ask you.
Are you blind?
You have perfectly pretended,
your entire life away.
Read my poems!
It's all I can say.
You are so much like mom.
You won't take responsibility.
Your unrecognized life
only causes more hostility.
You are like a little parrot,
repeating your husband utterance.
I wish you would wake up and
use some commonsense.
You have never had a backbone.
You always have taken the easy way out.
I can't sit in silence,
I need to speak out.
You haven't been able to think
since 1962.
Gee, I wish that you would
wake up and get a clue.
It would be nice,
if you had a thought
of your own.
Oh, excuse me, that's right,
you don't have a backbone.
Your husband doesn't love you,
your marriage is a masquerade.
I view your life as a sad, sad, escapade.
My respect for you,
has totally been depleted.
I want you to know,
that my feelings are deep seated.
I am angry and disappointed.
I've not made any headway.
You don't listen to anything
that I have to say.
I am tired of all the nonsense
that you spew.
I am done, it's over, I am
through.

Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey Diddle Diddle.

I read your riddle.
This self claimed orphan
will survive.

I'll keep my ear to the ground.
I'll know what to do,
when the hurtful come to hound.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

Abuse IS abuse.
In my life, there can be
no excuse.

Guilt IS guilt.
A force used to control.
Something that can hurt
an innocent soul.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

Strength comes from truth.
Truth will set me free .
I live and I learn and I
thrive to be me.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

I like your little dream.
Let go of the questions and
the hurts of the past.
The past
is in the
past.
Some of the questions needed
to be asked.

Hey Diddle Diddle.

I liked your little dream.
Dependable joy,
that will forever gleam,
and gleam
and gleam
and
gleam

Hey diddle diddle.

I appreciated your riddle.
Thanks for your thoughts.

Wishes

An angel has dropped from heaven.
She has become a part of my life.
My wish for her is to be free,
from all heartache and strife.
I look upon her face.
I gaze into this angel's brown eyes.
Her innocence's angelic.
My wish for her is to be wise.
As this angel learns about the world
around her.
I wish her a healthy curiosity.
And when she comes across those
who are less fortunate.
My wish for her is to show them generosity.
My wish for this sweet cherub,
is to find joy and true happiness.
As she finds her truths and faces them,
I wish her much success.
As this small angel grows,
and comprehends all of the worlds pain.
My wish for her is to know and show
compassion.
For humanity she may campaign.
As this heavenly being ,
carries her soul through life's migration.
My wish for her,
is too have strength.
And be kept from the worlds temptation.
My wish for my sweet angel,
is to be blessed with good health.
As she searches for her vocation in life,
My wish for her is to find,
true wealth.
These wishes are also blessings.
Really they are one and the same.
May these blessings and many more
come to Camryn.
They are hers to claim.

Time and Age

Time passing by,
causing us to age.
It happens to all of us,
stage by stage.
My mother at eighty-six,
now lives in assisted living.
Time and age to her,
have not been to forgiving.
My mother has a few health
problems.
But basically she is ok.
But age and time has taken,
her short term memory away.
Time and age has caused the dementia,
to change day by day.
She realizes what's happening.
She often feels betrayed.
My father cheated time.
My father defeated age.
He died when he was sixty.
But he didn't go unscathed.
He wasn't a healthy man.
He had many an ailment.
With doctors and in hospitals,
much of his time was spent.
My father wasn't a nice man,
much of my growing years.
When death did come to make it's claim,
I didn't shed any tears.
Time and age can make the prospect
of growing old unpleasant.
But with life's journeys ahead,
it's so hard to prevent it.

It Must Stop

Our children cruelly beaten.
We lose them one by one.
The ignorance and the hatred
leaves us cold.
It leaves us numb.
When will it stop?
How many must die?
Our children are being murdered.
We hang our heads and cry out, why?
The answer to the question
is because they are gay.
I believe it's not a choice.
They were born that way.
People who's hearts
hold intolerance, bigotry and
hate.
Keep these dark forces in
their souls
all because someone is
not straight.
We are all of Gods children.
He loves us all the same.
Our children should not have
to hide or walk alone in shame.
The loathing and hostility
because one is gay,
has to be dealt with.
It will not fade away.
We must be strong!
Our voices we must now unite.
Our children are dying.
It's time to take up the fight.

For all Gay, Bi, Transgendered, Lesbian children.

"Be strong, speak truth, keep peace." Melissa Etheridge"

Hard Work + Understanding = Insight

Dysfunction has been with me
since my birth.
Fed to me in my baby bottle.
As I grew,
it helped me to misjudge
my self worth.
It was taught to me
along with my ABC's
Math and Reading.
Creating in me insecurities
that would be misleading.
Dysfunction took the place
of a fathers love.
An "I love you" from him
was unheard of.
My father seldom spoke to me,
only to give an order or to complain.
I didn't feel any love for him.
Just hate and fear,
it was ingrained.
My father worked days .
My mother worked nights.
Not having them together
cut down on week night fights.
My mother ruled our domain with
guilt and manipulation.
Looking at my family,
you can see we didn't have
a sound foundation.
Drinking on the weekends
fueled the alcohol induced fights.
The yelling, screaming, and swearing
went well into the night.
It was the same old thing on Saturday nights,
with my dad smashing, throwing and
breaking our things,
it added anxiety to my fright.
Looking back on my life
sometimes I wonder how I survived.
Surrounded by all this abuse and dysfunction,
it was hard to keep my soul alive.
Alive it was.
Hidden in a special place.
Just waiting for a time
when my abuse and dysfunction
I could face.
I now walk in my truth.
I now stand in the light.
With hard work comes understanding
which leads to insight.

And

I am not looking forward
to the time we have to say good-bye.
You have been there to help
keep my soul alive.
You have been there to listen
and to help guide.
Assisting me to see things
from another side.
It is time for you to move on and
find your place.
Helping many others in our human race.

I will miss you.

Wait Just Sit and Wait Part II

The bone marrow biopsy is back.
All seems to be fine.
No leukemia or myeloma cells.
Those results help to ease my
mind.
The liver biopsy is still out
so we don't have that result.
Her doctor sent them to
the Mayo Clinic for other
doctors to consult.
She is till running a
temperature at night.
The doctor has ask her
to keep a journal.
She is "my little Terri girl"
I can't help but feel maternal.
All this waiting and waiting
really wears on my nerves.
I know that I can be testy
and this my honey doesn't
deserve.
I wish this was all over
and everything turns out
all right.
But the story is
that we have to wait
so I guess we'll just sit tight.

Wait, Just Sit And Wait

Wait, just wait.

My heart is breaking.
I can't see through my tears.
Just waiting for an answer
to alleviate my fears.

Wait, just wait.

I was told not to
think about it.
Find things to keep
my mind occupied.
But my thoughts and
my feelings keep returning.
My sadness can't subside

Wait, just wait

I want her to be
living near me.
Not the distance that
we now share.
I want to be able
to put my arms around her.
To show her that I care.

Wait, just wait

If she has to have treatments.
If they make her feel very weak.
I will hold her close
and let her know
that she can rest.
She doesn't need to speak.

Wait, just wait

I will stay close by her side.
I will be her strength.
I love her so much.
I will go to any length.

Wait, just wait

If her body can't take any
more and it is time for
her spirit to take
it's leave.
Even though my heart
will be breaking
I will hold her.
When she is gone
then I'll grieve.

My Companion

I have an evil entity
that is with me
every minute
of every day.
It moved inside my
body and caused
trouble straight away.
I call this evil entity
my companion.
I have even given it a
name.
My evil entity
my companion
goes by the name of
pain.
Pain has been with
me ever since 1993
or was it 1994.
I really had no idea
what this evil entity
had in store.
In the beginning
pain was very hard
to explain.
It seemed to move
around my body.
Driving me insane.
My hands and my feet
is where I first
noticed Pain.
Little did I know then
that my companion
had just started it's
reign.
My shoulders and my hips
have chronic soreness
and irritation.
Pain won't leave me alone
much to my frustration.
Pain can make me feel
tired and it can
even make me
feel depressed.
I even get a little
angry at Pain.
At this I do confess.
Pain is something
that I must live with.
It doesn't do any
good to complain.
Why give any satisfaction
to my evil companion
who I have named
Pain.

Snow

The heavens opened up
and the snow is falling
to the ground.
Everything is so quiet.
It is white all around.
We are having a blizzard,
weather Central is warning.
The winds will pick up speed.
They will be roaring by morning.
Oh Yeah!
Lets not forget
the ice and the sleet.
There won't be much traffic
moving up or down Main
street.
I hate the snow!
It makes me so mad!
I can't help my honey
shovel,
and that makes
me feel guilty and sad.
Fourteen inches have fallen
from out of the sky.
My honey puts on her boots
again.
I could just cry.
One day of rest
then more is on the way.
Weather Central warns another storm
will start on Wednesday.
I hate the snow!
I grumble and I groan.
It's like this bad weather
won't leave us alone.
This time around
it is going to be
one to three.
That doesn't seem like much
to worry about to me.
Oh no!
This time the trouble
will be in the form of
rain, sleet, and ice.
God, living in Wisconsin
is no Paradise.

Will You Remember Me?

When I am gone
and longer living
here on this earth.
Will you still remember me?
Did I have some worth?
What is it that you loved
about me?
What will you keep
close to your heart?
I hope I gave you
something special,
to keep while we are apart.
I wonder how long
it will take,
before I fade from your mind.
The memory of my existence
left far behind.
You will get rid of all my clothes.
And you will go through all my
things.
Pack them all away
along with the sadness
that they bring.
You will move on with your life.
You will continue on your path.
But will you remember me
and what made me happy
or what made me laugh?
Will you recall
any of my passions?
The things I most cared about.
Or will they be swept
from your mind
like the dust left by a drought.
Will you remember
my love and respect for Melissa,
and what she meant to me?
How her words and her music
inspired and helped
to set my soul free.
Will my love for you
bring you comfort
or maybe some cheer?
I guess I just worry
that you will forget me
now that I am not here.

Look and Learn

If you ripped open my flesh
so my soul would be exposed.
Then you would be able to see
what you may or may not know.
What would you see?
What would you find?
A spirit with strength
finely at rest with her
own peace of mind?
Or maybe the demons
and the evil of the past.
Would come to the surface
with a sinister laugh.
Don't be afraid.
No don't hide your eyes.
Force yourself to look.
What you see may make
you wise.
Let the lessons that
I have learned.
Let the truths that
I have embraced.
Bring courage to you
so that your own truths
you now can face.

Michael

Have you ever known someone
who really cares.
Someone who you can call on
and you know he will be there.
Someone who shows others
that he is truly concerned.
He is always there to help
never asking anything in
return.
Someone who will undertake a task
no matter how big or how so small.
To this kind person
it doesn't matter at all.
He is someone who calls unpleasant tasks
an opportunity,
and he takes on these tasks
with great capability.
He has re-roofed our porch
and he has unplugged our drains.
We have asked him
to help us so often
and he never complains.
He takes after his mother.
He has the kind soul.
All the wonderful things that
he's done,
no one will really know.
We are very thankful
to have him in our lives
So here is a big THANK YOU
from both of your wives.